20160131 130p = Day 3 harder than I thought

Feeling sick to my stomach, like I'm either hungry or gonna puke. Fun. Took shower. Took nap. Ate a little bit.  I think some subliminal plans are being made. Getting nervous about tonight and tomorrow. Both should be a breeze.  Must stay vigilant!

I'm choosing to never smoke again PERIOD And I am happier for it. Not at this exact moment, but on the whole.

20160131 9a = 60 hours and money in the bank

Since 28. January 2016: 2 days 12 hours smoke free, 25 cigarettes non-smoked, $6.27 saved and 0 product(s) achieved.

And I even moved $5 over to a savings account, for two days worth of quitting.

Having hundreds of passing thoughts of smoking, but easily dismissed. Thankful for no obsessing thoughts. 

I honestly think the catalyst has been that I haven't given the 'little monster' even a smidgen of hope. Every thought I have is met with. No, that's stupid. I don't smoke.

It's truly freeing though. Because I can do anything I want to now. Amazing.  Besides just field trips, I can jump on a plane. Rent a house. Go to an amusement park. Get a hotel room. I AM FREE.  I AM FREE. I AM FLIPPING FREE!

I am so thankful for this. I must never get overconfident though. As long as I never consider smoking again, I will enjoy this beautiful freedom forever!

20160130 1p = 40 hours Meh

I did the taxes so yeah and I am pretty sure I've had a couple more words with Joe than usual but other than that  - it's been going well - definitely trying to have cravings and definitely a hostage situation going on in there - but I just say "buzz off" to the thoughts most of the time and get on with my nicotine free life.  I went out to breakfast and to the library twice.  I think I am a lot worse off when I stay in my head - like it's really not that bad and neither am I but the 'little monster' keeps me trapped with these horrible thoughts - and that just ain't how it is - so like EVERYONE says - gotta keep myself busy or sleep - either one's fine - just do not get left alone in this brain just yet - too scary.

20160130 830am = 35.5 hours and I feel good - really good!

I thought about it for a long time before getting out of bed - hours even - and sometimes I didn't think I was going to do it - but I did!  I sat up in the bed and got up and got the dog and started to go to the bathroom.  Then I fussed at JJD a little for letting the dog free-roam, but he quickly got him down the stairs and out the door, with no accidents.  I kept to myself as I let out the bird, but I quickly realized that my interactions with the children and dog were kind - and that made me happy.  I am thankful to have put so much distance between the nicotine and me.  And I am going to have a good and productive day!  I think.  Scratch that - I believe!

20160129 849p = 1 day (and THE longest hour of my life)

Spent most of it crying or in the shower. Almost talked myself out of quitting a couple times. This is tough. I need to sleep if anything just to put some more time under my belt. Godspeed tomorrow.

20150129 8pm = 23 hours and I'm going to bed

I'm sure I'll get better at this, but for tonight Joe is here and can get the children to bed. All I seem to be doing is trying to get on people's nerves, so it's probably for the best. Maybe I'll take a shower first to relax.

20160129 4pm = 19 hours

So I had a snack shortly after the last post - more cookies, milk and this time, some caramel chocolate bars - two of them.

I'm done with my calls for the days but I am avoiding Joe - the little monster is trying to convince me that I can only have a coherent conversation with my husband - if I feed him first.  And of course I have been sitting here dwelling on his inane decisions, and realizing that maybe it's not a little monster but the devil himself.  I'm just scratching the surface but what if it was never an apple - what if it was a cigarette in the garden of Eden?  And how many years later am I finally breaking my addiction?  Good for me.

My body and brain say don't go downstairs - little voice says just stay here and rot and die because you quit smoking.  Oh my gosh - this conversation is like playing chess with a pigeon.  I just realized I REALLY NEED to go to the library.  But I am still in my pajamas and time is ticking by.

It looks so cold and windy outside - my inner self is so happy not to have to ever go out there and smoke again.  My outside is like Eeyore - nothing, I got nothing.

20160129 2pm = 17 hours

=) Deep inside - I'm am happy - on the outside I'm just tired and a little restless - not quite sure what to do with myself.  Sleep would be really good BUT I have had meetings all day today - back to back to back.  Soon enough, I'll get a chance to sleep - back to work - oh yes - forgot to mention - lunch was two tiny hershey bars and maybe 6 cookies and a glass of milk.  This is good - I am happy and proud. =)  I did have two pieces of trident when I was on a call earlier.  And I took two pamprin with my toast this morning, and my vitamins.

I came across the EasyWay fb page and have been reading all the posts to the page and Allen Carr's responses - very enjoyable.  Some day I will post there - but not for a while.

20160129 So many posts, and yet here's another

I smoked a cigarette around 9pm last night, as I finished reading Allen Carr's EasyWay - the calendar book called Happy Non-smoker - I think.  Went to bed around 11 and woke up around 8am so got enough sleep - but I am very tired right now - although I think a good bit of that is because I am supposed to be working - Grrr 1141am - I better get back to work and quit yawning - so far I have drank 2 cups of OJ and had 2 pieces of cinnamon toast.  I am happy - so very thankful and happy that I get to live my life without ever feeding the 'little monster' again.

20150929 what went wrong

I wish I had these entries for each quit attempted. I really think it would help to know what went wrong. Anyways, this time I obviously blamed it on my father's passing. Had Joe pick me up a pack of cigarettes at 7-11 in the morning. Smoked 3 on the way to the airport. I was through half the pack when I got to his house and found a carton and a half. And his zippo lighters, how could I deny them use under the circumstances. It was lame and I know it.

20150928 3pm

I wouldn't find out for 2 more hours, but my father had passed away. 

20150928 I'm doing it!

I've been smoke free for 0 years, 0 months, 0 days, 14 hours, 19 minutes & 46 seconds www.smokefreeapp.com#smokefreeapp #smokefree

I'm tired.  I have eaten beef jerky, drank some water, chewed some gum.  It's going very well. Was very direct with Nicole this morning, but didn't over react or anything like that. Kept my voice level for the most part. Very tired. Going to take a nap after I watch part 2 again. ...maybe......sooooooo sleepy =)

Kerry Gaynor The Method

Demand!  Not want.

want = try to quit

It's either cigarettes or me - VOTE for ME!

TWO OPTIONS:  QUITTING SMOKING OR GETTING SICK AND DYING

Go for it!  Commit my body, mind, and soul!

RISE UP - meet the challenge - don't make a big deal - it's just a moment where you want something you can't have

A couple days, and I'll be fine.

Pretty soon I'll feel better and it's worth it because I'm saving my life here!

Attitude is "I'm never smoking again!"  because I don't want to get sick and die from these stupid things.

ENOUGH, NO MORE, NEVER AGAIN

gain power from knowing next constriction could could heart failure or begin lung cancer/emphysema

The addict is a direct threat to my life.  FEEL THE THREAT

#1  OH MY GOD - NO WAY - lung cancer - heart disease - emphysema - OH MY GOD - I don't wanna get sick - OH MY GOD - half a million people in America died last year from smoking - OH MY GOD - One more cigarette and I COULD END UP IN THE HOSPITAL!

Be convincing and the addict won't come back tomorrow!

I AM TERRIFIED that if I continue smoking - I will get sick and die at any moment!

I made up my mind - it's a done deal - and not open for discussion.  PERIOD.

Role playing with addict:  "Hey - had a few fun times smoking with you but I AM TERRIFIED and I'M NEVER SMOKING AGAIN!

FOCUS
I've quit smoking.  I'm never smoking again and nothing will ever change my mind.
STAY ON MY SPOT - DO NOT get knocked off.

It's no longer about day-to-day life anymore - it is about cigarettes.  If they are deadly on Tuesday, they are still deadly on Wednesday, regardless of the drama I am going through on any particular day.

Cigarettes are "the" serial killer and I must break up and never reconcile because they will ALWAYS BE A SERIAL KILLER - still deadly when you are having a bad day and almost give consideration AND THEY NEVER GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME

CLARITY
A child running into the street = me smoking
don't need proof to take action re: child
never would say maybe he'll be okay
no proof or certainty that harm will come
should be EQUALLY HORRIFIED of the prospect of death

Tomorrow morning God appears "Hey!  I've checked out your lungs.  They're shot.  If you have the next cigarette you are going to collapse.  You won't die but you'll be rushed to the hospital.  You will have trouble breathing.  They will revive you.  And then for the next 5 and a half years you will suffer in ways you cannot even imagine.  You will be hospitalized fifteen times.  You will be operated on five times, and at the end of five and a half years you will suffocate and die.

But if you don't have the cigarette, you'll be fine."

===>  Be focused, alert, and on the ball.

===>  Respond INSTANTLY to the addict

===>  If you hesitate, at all, you will give him hope.

===>  The balance of power immediately changes if he gets any hope

===>  DO NOT GIVE THE THREE YEAR OLD THE GUN!!!!!

#2  MANTRA:  It's not an option.  It's not an option.

NEVER enter the debate (addict's main tool)

#3  No consideration, no debate

I don't smoke anymore.  Don't be jealous of others.  They are sick and dying.  Buy a NO FEAR shirt because the real power is changing from within.

DO NOT AVOID anything - it will give the addict hope.

You will have memories of cigarettes.  You will never have a moment of consideration.

You cannot separate the pleasure from the consequence.

This is my story, and I am sticking to it!

It all started, like a million years ago, when I first started smoking.  And it ended July 13, 2014, around 9pm EDT.  Don't recall much about that last smoke, other than the fact that I sure didn't realize it was my last smoke at the time.  I remember being scared to stand by the back door because the light was out and it was pitch black and a huge pinching-type beetle was flailing around upside down on the stairs so I covered him up with a bucket filled with rocks...crunch...and then I sat on the far side of the patio with my butt resting on the edge of the chair.  The only other memory that comes to mind is the flying gnat bugs that were attacking my phone screen, when it was lit up.

That's it.  Then I came in - got the children into bed, and asleep, and then I watched The Method - DVD number 2.  It was wonderful.  Kerry gave me a mantra, and reminded me it was time to demand to be smoke free.  With all the passion I had given to that addict living inside me - I turned it around full circle - and evicted him.  I wasn't rude, I was just done with it, and refusing to let one more drag of any cigarette be the one that puts me in the hospital and/or kills me.  Bizarre - Kerry uses that word so kindly - I would choose more colorful words to tell the smokers of the world to wake the *bleep* up.

The Kerry Gaynor Method is phenomenal, magical, superb, outstanding, wonderful, freeing, life-changing, inexpensive, a miracle.  A miracle - yes - a true miracle.  I quit smoking before - had crazy, borderline psychotic reactions EVERY SINGLE ATTEMPT.  I would just sit at the table and cry.  I would stay in the bed the next morning, not knowing what to do first, not knowing if I even wanted to go on living if I couldn't smoke.  "OH MY GOD!"  Kerry says you have to have the Oh my God moment when the addict suggests the cigarette.  I think my moment came before I even found Kerry in that I was scared to try and quit again just because of the emotional toll I placed on my self each time.  My experiences from the past couple years are here in this blog.

Truth?  At 41 hours smoke free, I...

...am a little tired - nothing I cannot handle, but could sure use a nap (non-depressional, I might add) this afternoon, but honestly I wish I had some bananas. Perhaps I'll just go get some gum and have myself a little unhealthy sugar rush this afternoon.

....have to remind myself to unshrug my shoulders quite a few times a day.

....am a little quick to fuss at the husband and children SOMETIMES, but not all the time, and actually not much of the time.

...am not afraid to leave the house, or go outside, but I am trying to be mindful of what I eat.

This quit is a miracle, and I thank God for bringing Kerry into my life.  My husband and daughters don't even know or realize that I have quit. (That, my friends, is divine intervention.  There could be no other explanation.)  And I ain't telling them.  =)  I will just wait until it gets mentioned by someone and then share my stats at that time.  I'm not obsessing over them so I really have to look it up, every time I want to know for myself.  I didn't mention my son above because he saw my app and asked about it.  I explained what it was and how long it had been since I stopped smoking.  He gave me a high five.  As for the rest of them, I can't really blame them for not asking.  Here I am acting perfectly normal.  Mir. A. Cle.  I'm telling you!  And since for the past year I have been smoking my 8 or 9 cigs a day hidden in the back yard in the corner next to the fireplace so that no one can look out of the house and see me, there's no telling how long this could go on.  My husband will probably realize it first - especially when we take our next trip to NJ and I never ask him to stop so I can smoke.  I am so excited to be able to stay in hotel rooms without sneaking out for a smoke.  I am also so excited to plan a Halloween Party with the girls and not have to stress over how will a take a break and grab a cig in the middle of the party.  Regular everyday life has been preparing me for this final quit for most of the past year.  I had quit smoking in the car.  I could watch an entire movie without sneaking out halfway through.  I could cook dinner, sit down to eat it, and clean up most of it before running off to my little corner in the yard to stink myself up.  My poor children - having to put up with that smell all these years.

I do have somewhat random thoughts right now, but like Kerry told me to say, I am a little under the weather, but pretty soon I'll feel better and it's worth it - because I am saving my life here.

More than 36 hours post nicotine

Obviously I haven't gone 3 weeks yet, which was my longest quit ever - two years ago with Joe - who is still quit by the way.  I do think a day and a half is pretty good though.  And no candy binge-ing - thank God.  I did tear up some gum in the van driving around yesterday afternoon though, but I got smart and picked up some sugarfree while I was out.  My biggest revelation of the day has been that I am afraid.  I am deathly afraid not to smoke.  I don't know how to do it.  So I stay put in this damn chair and dwell on it - but casually - not obsessively like a few times in the past.  I do not feel as tired today, but I do feel scared.  I am almost in tears, like a child being forced on a roller coaster.  In acknowledging my fear factor - I realized that I have used cigarettes as a crutch to steer clear of every emotion out there.  Fear, joy, fear, happiness, sadness.  I realized that I have no clue how to handle life without a cigarette.  I mean I am doing it now but more like an inmate in prison living and breathing everyday - but put him on on the streets, and unless he goes back to his illegal ways, to live legal and morally - he has a heart attack and dies.

And rereading that I wonder if Satan himself wrote it.  I won't have a heart attack and die, and if I cry - fine cry - I have smoked for over 28 years and will miss it.  The nicotine will be out of my body soon which will greatly help me start to really heal the absence of a life long parasite (so wanted to put friend or even enemy, but parasite is perfect - it fed off me and is nothing unless I light it and inhale it).  Regardless, I have not lived day in and day out with any other noun for as long as I have with cigarettes.  This Chantix medicine is good though, because I swear to you.  I am not having any cravings, only fear of living without cigarettes, unless that is what a craving is.  Hmmmmm.  That doesn't make sense - contextually - anyways, because chewing gum or keeping a pencil in my hand or snapping a rubberband against my wrist doesn't begin to help calm my nerves before a meeting presentation or relax me after a heated discussion with my husband or teenaged daughters.

I will miss taking breaks in the fall and drinking chocolate milk with my cigarette.  I still miss my very first cigarettes in the morning.  It is so hard to get out of the bed.  It's like I need a different reward in the morning to help coax me out of bed.

15.5 hours...

Got a shower, BRUSHED MY TEETH :-D, and got dressed.  Even put a little product in my hair.  Pretty.  I smell really good - thanks to a sale at BBW last week, in which I picked up night blooming jasmine gel and lotion, and luckily the package was on my front doorstep just before I took my shower.  I feel like I could fall asleep though.  Tired eyes, tired mind, tired bum from sitting on this chair for so long this morning/today.  Too late for a nap today, but tomorrow I think I will plan for one.  My inner core kinda really wants to run downstairs and do a quick declutter, but my outter layer refuses to move.  Ugghhhh - I am a blob with a brain and wifi.  I haven't drank much today - perhaps I will grab a water bottle and head downstairs.  ===>>> To be continued.....

In the 13th hour

The main things I am noticing are craving candy (possibly from past quits), tightly shrugged shoulders and obsessing over it (but in a good way).  Just spending my free time downloading apps, checking on my SFW FB peeps.  Afraid to go for a ride.  Heck, I would almost venture to say I am afraid to get up and do anything.....shower, eat, go to the basement.  I need to go find me something like a needle point project that I can set a timer for and take breaks to work on it.

5 Things to do on Your Quit Day

Let's have a smoke free day....which will hopefully turn into a week and a month and a lifetime =)

11 hours smoke free!   Go me!

5 Things to do on Your Quit Day

One at Noon and then....at 1230pm on a partly sunny day...

I smoked the final cigarette of my entire life!  And two and a half hours later - I am still so excited!

I made the following note in my book, at the end, where I read "You are now a Happy Non-smoker";
I am not deprived!  THAT is ludicrous!  I am finally FREE!  Free at last, free at last, Thank God Almighty I am free at last!!!  I am living life now!  I am a non-smoker!  I am having FUN!  YIPPEE!  Bad days won't ever be as bad as they were and good days will be better than I can ever remember!

I love that I don't have to stop thinking about smoking or cigarettes.  When I think of them - I KNOW I am not a smoker - I am free!  I am so excited and elated and blessed to be free of the nicotine addiction.  I am not an Ex-smoker that feels something is missing and/or tries to substitute for it.  I am living life - pure and simple.  I am a non-smoker.  Thank you God and thank you Allen Carr.

As for timing - I have a feeling that on or around February 31st, 2013, I will experience my Moment of Revelation, and that will forever mark my Welcome Back anniversary.  Corny, but hey - having fun IS corny sometimes.  And I am all about fun now!  =)

Another at 910am [eop]

I have smoked 5 more in about 20 hours time

I already wrote about that first one.  I know i had one at 6am this morning and one now at 9am.  And i had one before bed, say 830pm.  The other two were somewhere in between the first and the last yesterday.  I am reading Easyway by Allan Carr and am exited to be a complete non-smoker with no desire to ever smoke again very soon.  I did want my quit date to be the 25th-- but I am seeing now that it will likely end up being the 30th or 31st of February, like I originally told Jaime years ago.  Of course that date doesn't actually exist, so that was one of my idiotic ways of putting off 'giving up' smoking forever.  Ha HA!  But the date can exist, it just is actually March 1st or 2nd.  Anyways...back to the book.  =)

All alone and to the 7-11 I go

The children were all at school and daycare.  Husband left for work.  I am working from home and come out of my home office and go upstairs.   I pick up my phone and my car keys.  I locate my credit card in my purse and put it in my hand.  I remember that I have a coupon for a pack of cigarettes and then worry for a second that I threw it away during the quit "prep".  I find it though, just where it should have been.  After standing in the kitchen hallway for what seemed like an eternity, and thinking of everyone that I may disappoint if I do this, I finally walk outside, lock the front door and drive to the 7-11.  Making excuses the whole way, thinking I could just have one at night before going to bed and one in the morning - two a day isn't bad - right?  I must admit that there is a very, very small voice saying, this is all just a test, go two minutes and just don't smoke.  I decide that if I go back to smoking I will not smoke in the car.  I visualize smoking outside of the car before leaving work in the afternoon (there went the idea of just two cigarettes a day).  I bought the pack.  Easy, peasy.  Remembering that I told someone on CN that not having to go through yesterday again and the money would help keep me in the quit.  The money doesn't really matter.  It's not like I am destitute and have to decide whether to eat or feed my children or buy a pack.  Ugghhh.  I just want to be normal and FEEL normal, not tired or obsessed.  I want to think about my work, and family, and house and schedule CLEARLY.  I am so sick of cigarettes.  The fact that last night Joe said he's ready to get a divorce and I spent time researching a person to mediate it, really makes me feel alone in all this.  I smoked a cigarette once I got home at 153pm.  And I feel physically ill!  I HATE THIS!  I want to barf but I need to shower and work and take out the trash and pick up children and feed them dinner and get them ready for bed, and somewhere in between make some time to have fun with them, and watch them grow before my eyes.

Good and Good God Almighty

From one end of the spectrum to the other I have traveled.  Sometimes multiple travels in the span of a second or two.  But for the most part - yesterday morning/day 1/8 hours as a nonsmoker - I did good.  I awake praising and praying to God.  I got showered.  I moved slower than normal, and I altered my thoughts a couple times, but I was proud and I did good.  Driving to work, I did good.  Talking to people - I did okay, I guess.  Not my usual kind, sweet self.  This new self was direct and uncaring.  Hopefully that will change.

From around hour 16 on - I have prayed Good God Almighty MANY times, one time even praying that he keep me from strangling my children, which I would never physically do but they were just jumping up and down on that nerve that nicodemon was using to remind me of how much I missed just walking away and sitting outside with a cigarette.  HMPF!  It was raining this morning, so I'm good.

I'm babbling now.  Other items of interest - I left work early yesterday to come home and take a nap.  It  helped I am sure - whether it's the nicotine leaving the body or fighting the body or depression over missing the stinky bastards (I put water in my jar - holy moley - it smells) - I am tired and I am going to get some more sleep today.  I have not used the nicotine gum, and probably won't.  I have faith in cold turkey.  Even though I am only using my brain to write this post - it definitely doesn't feel as foggy as it did yesterday.  I think if I just work to change the way I do other things for a bit - I'll quit linking them to smoking - like walk down the stairs backwards or use both hands to let the dogs out OR I could put their leashes on and take them for a walk!  Then I'd get the exercise everyone is telling the newbies we need on Cessation Nation FB app.

I HATE THAT I SMOKED!  AND WHAT IT IS DOING TO ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't drink any water yesterday - just finished 1st bottle (2 8oz cups) today - going to get another - I want to flush that damn nicotine out as fast as possible.

Halfway through the first day!

Since 25. February 2013: 13 hours smoke free, 10 cigarettes non-smoked, $2.34 saved and 0 product(s) achieved.

I'm tired though and could really use a nap.

I QUIT! And this time I mean it!

After receiving the Smoke Stoppers kit I requested from a work website, I decided to give it another try.  Following their plan almost exactly for days 5, 4, and 3, I am now at the end of day 2, and I am 99% sure that I want today to be my last smoke day.  Why?  Because it's the 25th and I love that day of the month, always reminding myself and others how long it is until Christmas. The most wonderful day of the year!  And even though I am better prepared with this quit, and just took a dose of Tobaccoff, returning to a nonsmoker is only possible thanks to the Holy Trinity.  All three will be needed and depended on to make this most amazing accomplishment possible!

Woohooo! Here we go!

Pretty crappy day if I do say so. And that last cigarette was pretty crappy too.  Career smoker for 28 years and it ends like that.  Fine.  Good riddance.  I actually like it that way.  No romanticism.  Just the end of the most disgusting and unhealthy habit EVER.  Tomorrow is gonna be hard but God will help me through it!  And Thursday....forget about it!  15 minutes at a time.  Flylady has no idea how high I will fly once this addiction is gone.  Might even get to Jupiter, but I won't get stupider, that's for sure!  God night and God speed!  Congratulations!

A good day

I must thank God first because all things are possible through Him.  And even if it is mainly the SJW then it is still His creation and His timing and circumstance that brought it to me.  I took two pills today and felt great.  Not won the lottery great, but great in that I could have thought that would normally send me onto a tizzy, and I stayed calm and happy.  One of those thoughts that I had throughout the day was quitting or not smoking at that time and I handled the thoughts with Grace.  His Grace.  Thank you God.

Tomorrow I will begin the habit of not smoking in the morning.  That'll be a toughy just because of the pure habit.  But I have my new routine and I will just follow it.  =)  God speed!

I am getting things in place!

Reconfigured phone to help out a lot.  Created some babysteps to get started.  This week, sans today, I will no longer smoke first thing in the morning.  God speed!

You can't quit if you don't keep trying

Back on the Tobacoff.  Took 3 yesterday at 4pm.  And then this morning at 9am and just now.  I am smoking as I type this but not really enjoying it.been sitting at my desk all day doing some work but mostly in a daze.  Need to finish my inspiration creations when I go back up.  I think tomorrow's going to be the day I become a nonsmoker.  God speed!

Wow! I am sorta impressed!

So the numbers pretty much say it all.  I did fantastic on day 4 of my plan.  I have listened to my subliminal mp3s every single night.  I did start taking the SW today though and I feel great and proud too.  Yeah me!

The part where I am really impressing myself is that I seem to be stretching my times almost to the next interval before I even get to that particular level.  Still working on a visualization of being completely smoke free.  I think that's gonna end up being more of a leap of faith for me with my Pruner than anything else.  Which is fine, because all things are possible through Him.  Amen.

= = JUST NOTICED = = the smoking log is updating all days to the current stats - so the colors for plan days 1-3 are inaccurate, but then again it makes yesterday look all the more better :D

It's not going quite as expected

From the photo of my smoke log, I am definitely doing better on my second day of the plan, but I gotta say I feel like I'm doing worse.  I even altered the plan by increasing my Tobacoff but was irritable and craved them the worst since this quit plan even came to mind.

(above written on day 2.....following is the early morning of day 3)

This cigarette doesn't quite taste the same.  Could be me reading to much into it. And yesterday's issue could have something to do with being the last day of my 3 day weekend.  I did get lots of gum and candies though to help with "cravings"and I pulled out a pack of smoking withdrawal pills to see if that would help me as well.  I have been thinking about future days when I don't get to smoke every hour and how I will behave.  I see peoples' point in just quitting cold turkey, because it's almost as I'd I am just prolonging the misery stretching things out.  In my dream world I would be like Pavlov's dogs and just enjoy life as usual until I heard the somewhat obnoxious alarm I intentionally set to tell myself that time has passed and it's okay to smoke.  But I also don't want to end up waiting the rest of my life for that tune to play, you know?  In my dream world, much time would pass without me even conjuring a single thought of smoking.  And then when that one thought would come to mind and I saw that it had been soooooo long since  my last cigarette, I would be so pleased with myself that I would forget the craving and remain smoke free.

Well I can say I am having a craving right now....perhaps I should get out my old labor app and start tracking them that way!  HA!  Anyways it's time to wake up JJD and I still have laundry that need attention.  Please God help me through today by controlling my thoughts about future days.  =)  Amen.

Subliminal mp3

Had a bit of trouble falling asleep listening to it last night.  Well not really.  More like I woke up at the end and wasn't sure it had played all the way through - seemed like I had just fallen asleep and then the hour long recording was over, so I set it back up to play and then realized that it was an hour later than went I went to sleep!  Oh well! I went ahead and listened again anyways.

I really hope the supplement comes today.  I am interested to see how my system reacts with it. I need to add my Chantix experiences to the prologue. I an hopeful though that it won't be even close to that bad!

I wake up

And I start to freak out.  I am another day closer to quitting and I am having trouble envisioning my morning routine without smokes.  But I think I really need to work on this aspect of the quit.  I have always been the type of person that plans things out, from birthday parties to school night routines, I prepare myself in advance for how everything should flow and what possible things could go "wrong" and how I'll deal with those things.  I think I'll take some time today to create a page or two dedicated to NEW smokefree routines.  Perhaps it will release some of this anxiety I already feel, which seems completely odd to be feeling so strongly yet I am still smoking any and all cigarettes that I choose to smoke.  I really would like to start the herbal supplement because this already SUCKS!

For the record - I did listen to my subliminal mp3s last night.  I got further than I did the night before, but still fell asleep 2/3s of the way through....I think.  I'm not gonna lie, I do worry just a tiny bit that they are putting weird ideas in my head, but I'll just pray they don't turn me into a walking zombie and just help me quit smoking.  =)

Tracking

Where the heck are my packages any ways?  Need to track them down, because I really need to get them before the weekend!!!

I am already feeling a sense of apprehension, better quit smoking these cigarettes and get back into work!  And track my packages!  =)

New goal added to Get Rich or Die Smoking

This one is much more attainable!  At this point in my journey I think it'd be great to go once a month out to an "anniversary" dinner.  Sadly though, it will set us back a little on the BIG goal.  Of course this is all easy to plan while I sit in the car smoking three cigarettes in a row!  8-O

T minus 17 days

This is my first post to this blog which I just created.  I will be using it to journal my feelings and actions concerning quitting smoking and living my life as a nonsmoker.  There will appear to be older posts as I chronologically remember events in my life where smoking was involved.  Ehhh, maybe I said that wrong, because seriously, since the day I started, my entire life has revolved around a cigarette.  Anyways - cheers to you Victoria Lynn for "pruning" smokes out of your life forever!