20160131 130p = Day 3 harder than I thought

Feeling sick to my stomach, like I'm either hungry or gonna puke. Fun. Took shower. Took nap. Ate a little bit.  I think some subliminal plans are being made. Getting nervous about tonight and tomorrow. Both should be a breeze.  Must stay vigilant!

I'm choosing to never smoke again PERIOD And I am happier for it. Not at this exact moment, but on the whole.

20160131 9a = 60 hours and money in the bank

Since 28. January 2016: 2 days 12 hours smoke free, 25 cigarettes non-smoked, $6.27 saved and 0 product(s) achieved.

And I even moved $5 over to a savings account, for two days worth of quitting.

Having hundreds of passing thoughts of smoking, but easily dismissed. Thankful for no obsessing thoughts. 

I honestly think the catalyst has been that I haven't given the 'little monster' even a smidgen of hope. Every thought I have is met with. No, that's stupid. I don't smoke.

It's truly freeing though. Because I can do anything I want to now. Amazing.  Besides just field trips, I can jump on a plane. Rent a house. Go to an amusement park. Get a hotel room. I AM FREE.  I AM FREE. I AM FLIPPING FREE!

I am so thankful for this. I must never get overconfident though. As long as I never consider smoking again, I will enjoy this beautiful freedom forever!

20160130 1p = 40 hours Meh

I did the taxes so yeah and I am pretty sure I've had a couple more words with Joe than usual but other than that  - it's been going well - definitely trying to have cravings and definitely a hostage situation going on in there - but I just say "buzz off" to the thoughts most of the time and get on with my nicotine free life.  I went out to breakfast and to the library twice.  I think I am a lot worse off when I stay in my head - like it's really not that bad and neither am I but the 'little monster' keeps me trapped with these horrible thoughts - and that just ain't how it is - so like EVERYONE says - gotta keep myself busy or sleep - either one's fine - just do not get left alone in this brain just yet - too scary.

20160130 830am = 35.5 hours and I feel good - really good!

I thought about it for a long time before getting out of bed - hours even - and sometimes I didn't think I was going to do it - but I did!  I sat up in the bed and got up and got the dog and started to go to the bathroom.  Then I fussed at JJD a little for letting the dog free-roam, but he quickly got him down the stairs and out the door, with no accidents.  I kept to myself as I let out the bird, but I quickly realized that my interactions with the children and dog were kind - and that made me happy.  I am thankful to have put so much distance between the nicotine and me.  And I am going to have a good and productive day!  I think.  Scratch that - I believe!

20160129 849p = 1 day (and THE longest hour of my life)

Spent most of it crying or in the shower. Almost talked myself out of quitting a couple times. This is tough. I need to sleep if anything just to put some more time under my belt. Godspeed tomorrow.

20150129 8pm = 23 hours and I'm going to bed

I'm sure I'll get better at this, but for tonight Joe is here and can get the children to bed. All I seem to be doing is trying to get on people's nerves, so it's probably for the best. Maybe I'll take a shower first to relax.

20160129 4pm = 19 hours

So I had a snack shortly after the last post - more cookies, milk and this time, some caramel chocolate bars - two of them.

I'm done with my calls for the days but I am avoiding Joe - the little monster is trying to convince me that I can only have a coherent conversation with my husband - if I feed him first.  And of course I have been sitting here dwelling on his inane decisions, and realizing that maybe it's not a little monster but the devil himself.  I'm just scratching the surface but what if it was never an apple - what if it was a cigarette in the garden of Eden?  And how many years later am I finally breaking my addiction?  Good for me.

My body and brain say don't go downstairs - little voice says just stay here and rot and die because you quit smoking.  Oh my gosh - this conversation is like playing chess with a pigeon.  I just realized I REALLY NEED to go to the library.  But I am still in my pajamas and time is ticking by.

It looks so cold and windy outside - my inner self is so happy not to have to ever go out there and smoke again.  My outside is like Eeyore - nothing, I got nothing.

20160129 2pm = 17 hours

=) Deep inside - I'm am happy - on the outside I'm just tired and a little restless - not quite sure what to do with myself.  Sleep would be really good BUT I have had meetings all day today - back to back to back.  Soon enough, I'll get a chance to sleep - back to work - oh yes - forgot to mention - lunch was two tiny hershey bars and maybe 6 cookies and a glass of milk.  This is good - I am happy and proud. =)  I did have two pieces of trident when I was on a call earlier.  And I took two pamprin with my toast this morning, and my vitamins.

I came across the EasyWay fb page and have been reading all the posts to the page and Allen Carr's responses - very enjoyable.  Some day I will post there - but not for a while.

20160129 So many posts, and yet here's another

I smoked a cigarette around 9pm last night, as I finished reading Allen Carr's EasyWay - the calendar book called Happy Non-smoker - I think.  Went to bed around 11 and woke up around 8am so got enough sleep - but I am very tired right now - although I think a good bit of that is because I am supposed to be working - Grrr 1141am - I better get back to work and quit yawning - so far I have drank 2 cups of OJ and had 2 pieces of cinnamon toast.  I am happy - so very thankful and happy that I get to live my life without ever feeding the 'little monster' again.