It all started, like a million years ago, when I first started smoking. And it ended July 13, 2014, around 9pm EDT. Don't recall much about that last smoke, other than the fact that I sure didn't realize it was my last smoke at the time. I remember being scared to stand by the back door because the light was out and it was pitch black and a huge pinching-type beetle was flailing around upside down on the stairs so I covered him up with a bucket filled with rocks...crunch...and then I sat on the far side of the patio with my butt resting on the edge of the chair. The only other memory that comes to mind is the flying gnat bugs that were attacking my phone screen, when it was lit up.
That's it. Then I came in - got the children into bed, and asleep, and then I watched The Method - DVD number 2. It was wonderful. Kerry gave me a mantra, and reminded me it was time to demand to be smoke free. With all the passion I had given to that addict living inside me - I turned it around full circle - and evicted him. I wasn't rude, I was just done with it, and refusing to let one more drag of any cigarette be the one that puts me in the hospital and/or kills me. Bizarre - Kerry uses that word so kindly - I would choose more colorful words to tell the smokers of the world to wake the *bleep* up.
The Kerry Gaynor Method is phenomenal, magical, superb, outstanding, wonderful, freeing, life-changing, inexpensive, a miracle. A miracle - yes - a true miracle. I quit smoking before - had crazy, borderline psychotic reactions EVERY SINGLE ATTEMPT. I would just sit at the table and cry. I would stay in the bed the next morning, not knowing what to do first, not knowing if I even wanted to go on living if I couldn't smoke. "OH MY GOD!" Kerry says you have to have the Oh my God moment when the addict suggests the cigarette. I think my moment came before I even found Kerry in that I was scared to try and quit again just because of the emotional toll I placed on my self each time. My experiences from the past couple years are here in this blog.
Truth? At 41 hours smoke free, I...
...am a little tired - nothing I cannot handle, but could sure use a nap (non-depressional, I might add) this afternoon, but honestly I wish I had some bananas. Perhaps I'll just go get some gum and have myself a little unhealthy sugar rush this afternoon.
....have to remind myself to unshrug my shoulders quite a few times a day.
....am a little quick to fuss at the husband and children SOMETIMES, but not all the time, and actually not much of the time.
...am not afraid to leave the house, or go outside, but I am trying to be mindful of what I eat.
This quit is a miracle, and I thank God for bringing Kerry into my life. My husband and daughters don't even know or realize that I have quit. (That, my friends, is divine intervention. There could be no other explanation.) And I ain't telling them. =) I will just wait until it gets mentioned by someone and then share my stats at that time. I'm not obsessing over them so I really have to look it up, every time I want to know for myself. I didn't mention my son above because he saw my app and asked about it. I explained what it was and how long it had been since I stopped smoking. He gave me a high five. As for the rest of them, I can't really blame them for not asking. Here I am acting perfectly normal. Mir. A. Cle. I'm telling you! And since for the past year I have been smoking my 8 or 9 cigs a day hidden in the back yard in the corner next to the fireplace so that no one can look out of the house and see me, there's no telling how long this could go on. My husband will probably realize it first - especially when we take our next trip to NJ and I never ask him to stop so I can smoke. I am so excited to be able to stay in hotel rooms without sneaking out for a smoke. I am also so excited to plan a Halloween Party with the girls and not have to stress over how will a take a break and grab a cig in the middle of the party. Regular everyday life has been preparing me for this final quit for most of the past year. I had quit smoking in the car. I could watch an entire movie without sneaking out halfway through. I could cook dinner, sit down to eat it, and clean up most of it before running off to my little corner in the yard to stink myself up. My poor children - having to put up with that smell all these years.
I do have somewhat random thoughts right now, but like Kerry told me to say, I am a little under the weather, but pretty soon I'll feel better and it's worth it - because I am saving my life here.
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