I hope I didn't just mess up really bad. I'm second guessing myself - was I able to make it all weekend because I knew this morning was coming - Joe asleep and the littles back in school. I even told then - I can't wait to get you on the bus so I can come back here and smoke a cigarette before I start work. I don't even know if I was craving it or what. I have had some uncomfortable feelings, but I think they are just hunger pains, and definitely nothing that was smoke-worthy. But I did it - I lit the damn cigarette. and stood there for a minute just holding it - I wanted it to make me violently ill. I knew it wouldn't, and I knew the taste wouldn't be gross - if fact I have to say I really enjoy that taste - the first cigarette taste - so four drags later and I couldn't taste it. So I poured my caffeine free coke on the cigarette and threw it away. I was dizzy and then I immediately got a headache. Piece of crap cigarette. I cannot I believe I gave up 80 hours for that. Not horrific enough to keep me from ever taking another drag - yet just poisonous enough to keep me from taking back up they NASTY addiction. Well I pretty much drank 30 ounces of water to try and flush those 4 drags out. The nicer weather is making it difficult to remember that I don't want to ever smoke again. God help me, and forgive me.
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